I feel like Abraham right now

For this school semester, i have been disconnecting myself from a lot of responsibilities and leadership on PIU and other areas. The reason why is that i was so burnt out last semester by a lot of good works that the school had set before me to accomplish. I, with a very good team of mine from STUCO helped each other to accomplishing these responsibilities. But even more, I had some other ministries that i was involved with. At the same time, I had some personal issues that i was dealing in my life. Through these things and some other things that i did not mention, I was so burned out. But I did not have a chance to rest during the summer because of the ministry to the States. So that means, since I'm human that need rest, I decided not to get involved with a lot of things this semester. I wanted to relax my mind while i was recovering on those hardship that i went through last semester. With a blessing from God, the pre-registration that i did last semester for this semester made my classes so flexible in terms of my studying. Though I am taking six classes, I'm still able to have good amount of rest that can treat me like I'm in vacation.

But though I am away from those things/responsibilities, it doesn't mean that I have easy life on campus. I still have work to do as in assignments/homeworks. This is the only thing that occupies my time. I enjoy studying and enjoy my classes this semester because they are well spread or well scheduled so i can do my assignments and ministries with not a lot of hard thinkings.

Through some everyday challenges, and try to keep myself away from responsibilities, i guess i exagerated my actions in terms of away from task and responsibilities. I think i was more like run away of even worse, procrastinating. But there is even more harder challenge. I made a covenant to myself that I will control my itch (talking a lot in terms of testimonies or encouragement) and try to just be cool and not say much. through this covenant that i made, it was hard and frustrating because i was doing something that a lot of people say "out of my league" by not talking a lot. With the covenant and the keeping myself away from responsibilities, I became so lonely and I kept forcing myself to do it in order just to hurt me so i wont feel those other pain that i felt last semesters. Instead of lifting them up to God, i try to hide them by covering them up with blessings at the moments. In other words, instead of talking about them, I try to think or seek happiness and think about those happiness more often so i wont have time to think about the hurts or pain that i am holding or carrying. with this, i pretty much did not excape from the pain, but i just blindfold myself with the blessings and not trying to understand those pain and get over them and move on. Sadly to say this, but it got worse because I became so lonely because i disconnect myself from people when i have not solved and get understanding with these pain that im having from the past semester. With this situation, i became more frustrated and irritated. Lonely, frustrated, angry, confused, hurt, and others. What even made it worse was that i receive some bad news from one of my sibling and i felt so disappointed and discouraged, and it seems that things were so unfair to me. The tears started running down my face because i was so hurt and the tears where the tears of pain and anger. With my situation like this, i risked my time to stay awake until 2am on Sep 27th, just to talk and pour out these things to one of my very close family on this campus. Through the sharing, i gained more understanding of the situations that i was in and gained a knowledge of how to approach these challenges and pains that im holding. Even before this, i had a chance to talk to one of the sister that is always faithful to pray for me and she gave me some advices. And talking with this sister, she gave me one advice that i took it into action... REST IN THE LORD.... and then i talked to that brother at 2am in the morning, the advice were just side by side and it gave me understanding. The very next day, that's where the blessings started to reveal.

September 28th, this was the first day of our class on SCUBA DIVING. We went to buy our diving gears and Eric Sorenson was driving us. On our way back, I was talking about my vision or i would say ambition for Thailand as always. But out of nowhere, Eric said this, "YOU SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT GOING TO DO MINISTRY IN PAPUA NEW GUINEA. THEY ARE LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE QUALIFIED SCUBA DIVERS." With these information that he said, i did not really consider it or think about it with confidence. i want to go there because i can say that i am from there also since my great grandfather is from there. But i did not really think about it as mission field because my mind is still focusing in Thailand.

September 29th, I finished my class and went to Steve Stinette's office and had a good amount of time talking with him, seeking for some advice. Not only seeking for advice, but i was also sharing what i wanted to do after i finish.... as always, THAILAND..... But with the sharing, i found out one thing that we both share the same vision but our focus on the field of ministry was different. I did not really get the sense that there is something that gonna happen in this particular room that will change me totally. When i found out that we share the same vision but different field, i was thinking in this way, "OH, THAT'S GOOD SO NOW WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER AND MAKE THE WORK MORE BETTER AND EASIER." Stubborn i am and blind i am because i still focus on my ambition. While we were still talking, and him knowing that i have enrolled on scuba diving class, he got up and took a map with routes of plain in it. before he got up, we were talking about that micronesia is the best place to send missionaries because communist people and other big places does not know much about micronesia. When he got up to take the map or book with map in it that has flight route in it, i thought he was gonna connect it with the one that we were just talking about. He pointed to Papua and Papua New Guinee and said that there are a lot of needs over there. so i said in my mind, "THAT'S COOL. NOW WHEN I GO TO THAILAND AND TRAIN SOME OF FUTURE MISSIONARIES FROM MICRONESIA, THEY WILL TAKE THIS FIELD THAT STEVE IS TALKING ABOUT". HOw blind i am and how stubborn i am so my mind is still in my ambition of Thailand. The next thing he said is, "THIS PARTICULAR PLACE NEED PEOPLE WHO CAN DO SCUBA DIVING." Three seconds after he said scuba diving, i was a mess. my tears start running down my face and i felt something that i've never felt before. it was something joyful and very convicting feeling. I knew where this was leading me to. Steve start giggling at me because i could not stop crying. He kept talking and we prayed. Now for that, i started connecting everything. With me and Steve sharing the same vision, and Eric mentioning to me that i should go to PNG for mission, and with the information about palauans trying to make a full support of one missionary in the future, I started to realized more and more things. It was not just Eric talking to me about going to PNG for diving, but it was God who used him. It was not just by mistake that I went to Steve's office, but it was on the right timing. It was not the calling for me to go to Thailand, YET, but it was just an ambition. not yet a calling.
After that, I walked out of the door and only thing that came out of my mouth is the word of praises and thanksgiving. I was speechless. I went to my room and prayed. There was nothing i could say to make myself feel good in expression of my feeling to God but just to say HALELUJIA. I feel like Abraham right now because i know there is a field out there waiting for me but i dont even know where. I know that it's unfamiliar place and i know that God is right by my side preparing me.
This thing that happened to me is that i know that it's not ambition, because i have never been to that side of the world, and at the same time im not in a rush or eagerness to go there. it is something that just fit well in me. for that whole day, I was overwhelmed with blessings. I think what im trying to say is that God has prepared a field for me to minister after I graduate, and i'm just waiting for its time to come. Even makes it more better, one of the thing that happened to make my week sooooooo blessing is the prayer time and fasting time. I was talking to one of the leader about something like this and now it's happening. I praise the Lord that He really answers our prayers on HIS timing. Praise HIM, Praise the Lord.